Confessions from an Ex-Charismatic

I enjoyed a lively conversation with my daughter last night as we discussed Francis Chan’s report of a mass healing in a remote village of Myanmar. Chan is a popular Christian author, former pastor of a large church in California, and now serves as a missionary in Asia. While preaching during Moody Bible College’s Founders’ Week (February 6, 2020), Chan made a significant claim. In Chan’s own words, people in a village with “no comprehension of healing” who had never heard about Jesus began to “come forward” to him for healing, and “Every person that I touched was healed.” When I heard Chan’s statement, I was surprised, disappointed, and frustrated, all at once. But my daughter asked the provocative question, “How do we know it didn’t happen?”

The discussion that followed reminded me of my past as a new believer. When I was a new Christian, I attended a charismatic church. Congregants were encouraged by pastors to expect healings and miracles, and so, we met regularly to pray that God would show up and increase our faith. One particular afternoon, we prayed for God to bless our friend Ed, a budding basketball player in his twenties and, like us, a fellow believer. As our group passionately petitioned God, Ed suddenly cried out that his leg just grew! We stopped praying, and Ed explained that he had been struggling in his pursuit of basketball dreams because his leg bones were slightly uneven, but as we asked the Lord to grace Ed with his favor, God evened his legs out right there among us. We had no inclination there was an issue with Ed’s legs until that moment.

Ed’s leg grew because of our prayers!? We were elated. We gave glory to God, we wept, we laughed, and we were pumped up for Christ. We went on to tell anyone who would listen about Ed’s leg, and it was thrilling to spread the great news of what Christ had done for our brother. I “saw” Ed’s leg grow. I was there. I was sure it had happened. …Or was I?

Time moved forward, and so did my knowledge of Scripture. My husband and I traveled on a few short-term mission trips to impoverished countries. I will never forget talking to a man in Cuba who said that Americans were like rock stars to the Cuban people. He saw our ability to freely visit a country he and most of his countrymen were unable to leave as an influence and power to be used wisely. I thought about that for a while. Even though we lived on a tight budget at home, our annual income exceeded what the Cubans we met might earn in a lifetime. They waited in line every evening for beans and rice, while I could shop at Costco and department stores. I guess it would seem to our Cuban friends like we were from another world, a better world.

Over the years, I have heard remarkable stories of modern miracles. Interestingly, the majority of these miracles were reported to have taken place on a remote, exotic, and far-away “mission field.” Whenever I hear these tales, it takes me back to my charismatic past, a time when legs grew, flat tires inflated, and I repeatedly uttered the same syllables over and over again, using my “gift of tongues.” It also reminds me of the weeks I spent here and there in impoverished countries, and the way we were almost revered by those we had gone to serve. Many wanted a fast fix from God. They wanted health, wealth, and their idea of American prosperity. If they thought Jesus could give them any of those, they lined up to get it. They were determined to have the faith that would “move mountains.”

Back to my conversation with my daughter, after a quick Google search, I explained to her that the average income in a third-world country like Myanmar is just over $1,000 annually, and the income gap between the “haves” and “have-nots” there is one of the widest in the world. To villagers in Myanmar, most Americans have access to wealth and success they will never know. Remembering my daughter’s love for the Jonas Brothers that began when she was in junior high school and continues now, I asked her, “What if the Jonas Brothers prayed for you? Would you cry? Would you likely feel something supernatural had taken place? What if the Jonas Brothers said God wanted to do something for you if only you had enough faith? Would you want to believe?” She answered honestly with “Probably so—especially as a young child—and more so as one hoping and waiting for a sign from God.”

How do we know it didn’t happen? How do we know that Chan didn’t heal everyone he touched? Chan may truly think he has the miraculous gift of healing, and those he placed his hands on may have genuinely sensed something happened to them, but the New Testament teaches that God now uses willing believers in the business of something far greater than growing legs and filling flat tires. God takes those who are spiritually dead and brings them to life (Ephesians 2:1-5). He does this when we hear and believe the good news of his Son, Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:13), and he calls us to be faithful witnesses of the gospel, ready to teach others (2 Timothy 2:1-2). As an ex-charismatic, I understand what it feels like to want faith that moves mountains. I know what it’s like to “see” a leg grow. I have spent countless hours repeating the same syllables over and over and over again in an attempt to please God. But in the end, there’s one promise I can stand on with absolute confidence: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners (1 Timothy 1:15). And all Christians are called to communicate that great truth to any who will listen (Romans 1:16).

Scripture assures us that Christians will suffer and struggle in this life. God allows some of his people to battle with disease, many to endure illnesses, and all to face physical death. For now, we live in natural bodies that are weak, get sick, and die. But soon, we will be given new and glorified bodies that will never suffer the flu, cancer, physical impairment, or death (1 Corinthians 15:42-44). Yes, Christ’s victory has set all believers free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2), but this refers to something far superior to freedom from sickness, disease, and the grave. The Great Physician has come to heal the spiritually sick (Luke 5:31-32). Because we are in Christ, we are free from the power of sin, and even though our bodies will give in to physical death, the grave has no hold on our souls. We look forward to the day when God will put an end to our mourning, crying, and pain (Revelation 21:4). But that day is not here quite yet.

Some criticize believers who don’t have enough faith to see God heal the deaf, blind, sick, or lame. And yet these supposedly lower-level Christians do have enough faith to believe in Jesus’ power to transfer the souls of the deaf, blind, sick, and lame from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of light. Does it take more faith to believe that God can grow a leg, or to believe he can save an eternally doomed soul? Didn’t Jesus ask a similar question in Luke 5:23-24? Why do we put so much weight on physical healings and so little on conversion? Chan said in the same sermon, “This is craziness to me. I have never experienced this in 52 years,” and “I thought I had faith, but my faith was at another level.” Does this not imply that the faith needed to preach Christ and believe souls can be converted through trust in Jesus is somehow less than the faith needed to see the deaf begin to hear? This all seems backwards, doesn’t it?

Sadly, some walk away after hearing Chan’s report feeling like second-class Christians because God has never provided a miracle in response to their prayers. People can desire this kind of experience so desperately as a means of “concretely” affirming their faith and relationship with Christ that they may just “see” things that aren’t really there. When strong desire meets excessive confidence in the one bringing the message of Christ, the potential to believe a supernatural phenomenon has transpired increases dramatically.

It appears from the Scripture that God broke natural law preceding three specific periods of history:  the coming of the Law in the era of Moses, the coming of the prophets Elijah, Elisha, Isaiah, Daniel, etc, and the coming of the Messiah (Jesus) and his first century apostles. The Bible does not charge us to ask God for more faith that we might see him perform miracles, but that we might rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and give thanks in all circumstances. I am confident that these things are his will for me and for all who belong to Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18), as we stand firm in the Lord while living in a world hostile to Christ and his message (Ephesians 6:13).

I will continue to thank God for my daughter, our passionate conversations, the Scripture, and my unearned salvation, and I will continue to encourage us both to keep our focus on the faith that was once-for-all delivered to the saints (Jude 3). I will also thank God and pray for the missionaries he sends out to preach the gospel to all people groups, knowing that he does not wish for any to perish, but for all to reach repentance and faith in his Son, Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:9).